"Commitment is just that: commitment; for better or for worse."
I borrowed this post from The Healthy Marriage's Blog. Thought it was a great one.
Our commitment level in many arenas is being tested - none more so than in our military marriages. While the Army can proudly claim that they have fewer divorces than their counterparts in the civilian world, this claim is quickly being challenged by the record number of married warriors returning with injuries. Many of the injuries, outside of TBI and PTSD, have resulted in disfigurement, loss of limbs and a weak emotional state that often lead to strained and dissolved marriages. Many military marriages aren't prepared - and didn't prepare on the front end - to deal with this change in their marriage dynamic. The sad fact is that when you walk the halls of the recovery hospitals it isn't too uncommon to hear stories of recovering service members being faced with his/her spouse leaving the marriage.
So how does one plan for the unthinkable? How are couples expected to keep that commitment even through the "for worse" times when the level of support, especially for Reserve and Guard families seems to be non-existent?
I presented Brian and Jody, who experienced many challenges throughout Brian's deployment to Afghanistan, this very question and their answer boiled down into what seemed a Polly-Anna pep answer, "You hold on to the vision - that perfect, romantic marriage picture in your head that first brought you together - and you focus on that." Say what you will, but there is tremendous power in going back to the core or root of why you got married in the first place.
It is absolutely no secret that marriage is tough. As Army Chaplain Ken Alford shared, "marriages face challenges that have nothing to do with deployment." We all experience the days when we think the "grass is greener" and that to re-experience the "young and single, love to mingle" stage of our life would be awesome. This might seem even more tempting when our spouse has faced a life changing injury or some form of depression. The truth is that every study known to man on happiness just doesn't support this train of thought.
Despite long deployments or injuries, there are several steps you can implement that will aid you in your journey to keeping your marriage strong:
1. Find a couple whom you and your spouse respect and find out what they do to have the relationship they have.
2. Identify common goals you want to achieve as a couple. If you or your spouse is injured, discuss how your injury will affect achieving this goal and then determine how you can support each other in attaining the goal.
3. Consider reading Dr. Bridgett Cantrell's book "Down Range: To Iraq and Back" or visit her website: www.heartstowardhome.com
Bottom line? Fight to make the marriage work. Seek out a marriage coach if needed and just know that many couples, despite injury and months of separation have successfully found ways to readjust and reunite their love.To learn more: visit: www.operationmilitaryfamily.org
